the adventures of fahey

Snacktaku Eats Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts, Feels Betrayed

You know what I could really go for right now? A stale melted Jolly Rancher sandwich. How about you guys? Advertisement The Pop-Tarts people have caught Oreo fever as of late, teaming up with everything from Dunkin’ Donuts to A&W Root Beer in an attempt to up the profile of everybody’s favorite toaster-friendly breakfast rectangle. Though while many of these joint operations involved creating brand-new flavors, Pop-Tarts’ team-up with Jolly Rancher candy results in twisted versions of three already existing Pop-Tart varieties. There are already cherry, watermelon and apple Pop-Tarts. Yeah, the apple is normally paired with the words “strudel” or “cinnamon” or “Dutch”, but it’s still apple. We’ve been there. Advertisement Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts are not simply re-branded versions of these existing favorites. The original Pop-Tarts seek to reproduce actual fruit flavors. Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts are trying to replicate the unique flavors of a popular brand of fruit candy. Well, they succeeded. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Let’s take a look. Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts Dipped in blood-colored frosting to seal the dark bargain between candy maker and breakfast treat peddlers, the Frosted Cherry Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart is the easiest example of the branded transformation. Everyone’s…

fireworks

Snacktaku Eats Firework Oreos, Does Not Explode

In the hierarchy of things you don’t put in your mouth, fireworks are right up there with razor blades and hobos, but nothing will stand in the way of Nabisco’s relentless quest to keep Snacktaku from eating things that aren’t Oreos. Advertisement Firework Oreos, in stores now alongside something called Waffle and Syrup Oreos (which we have top men searching for), do not feature caked gunpowder wafers sandwiched around sulfur-infused creme. In the snack business they call that a missed opportunity. You have to take risks, even if those risks involve murdering a prominent snackologist on camera. But no, Firework Oreos are just plain Oreos with red, white and blue “popping candy” mixed into the creme. That’s “popping candy” and not Pop Rocks, the famed carbonated candy that launched in 1975 and are the focus of a rumor about exploding stomachs spread by gullible scamps. It’s generic. It’s lawsuit-unfriendly. Not Pop Rocks. Not Pop Rocks. You can watch the video atop this post to witness my first taste and reactions to this rather lazy combination of iconic biscuit and dollar store knock-off candy. Advertisement Long story READ FULL STORY AT KOTAKU!

Tips For Getting The Best Discount Candy After Valentine's Day

Yes, yes, people love each other. That’s great. Now that Valentine’s Day is over, it’s time for one of the biggest sweet-lovers’ holiday of the year. It’s the first Discount Candy Day of the year, and Snacktaku is here to help you make the most of it. Advertisement Discount Candy Day is the day following a candy-centric holiday, and depending where you live, it can come multiple times a year. Here in the United States we get three. There’s the day after Halloween, the day after Easter and February 15, the day after Valentine’s Day. The day after Christmas used to count, but as society started shying away from “Merry Christmas” in favor of “Happy Holidays,” retailers got confused and candy began to linger longer on the shelves. So we’ve got three, starting with February 15, which we here at Snacktaku feel is the best for several reasons. Advertisement The message of love is year-round and universal, unlike the message of egg-laying resurrection rabbits or children going door-to-door begging for free stuff. We’re more likely to find cheap chocolate body parts (in good condition) than other Discount Candy Days. There are Creme Eggs and Screme Eggs, but no Valentine’s Day…

Gamestop

I Traded In A PS4 To Save My Valentine's Day

Image via Lazada.SG, where they sell this as a skin, apparently. It’s Valentine’s Day, a day to show the ones we love how important they are to us. This year I got my wife a box of chocolate-covered strawberries, and traded a PlayStation 4 for food. Let me explain. Advertisement Emily and I had Valentine’s Day all planned out. Since our babysitter would be busy doing stupid things for his girlfriend, I decided to take a few hours off in the AM. Instead of our traditional Valentine’s Day dinner at whichever restaurant wasn’t already filled with doting lovers, we were going to have a romantic Valentine’s Day breakfast. Some heart-shaped pancakes, penis-shaped sausage, ovary-reminiscent eggs, that sort of thing. But upon waking up this Valentine’s Day morning, our plans to symbolically eat each other hit a snag—we had no money. Strange, we normally have money. Where did the money go? Advertisement In my case, the answer was limbo. I’d been spending quite a bit on some home improvement items over the past couple of weeks, in anticipation of incoming tax return monies, because spending money READ FULL STORY AT KOTAKU!